Amazon Honor System

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Ask a stupid question...

WHAT THE?
1. Who's Spike? Who's Buffy? Who's Spuffy? What's a BtVS?
2. Who's NautiBitz?
3. Who does your nifty graphics/site design?
4. Can you design my site/make me a graphic?
5. What's a beta? Will you be mine? Can I be yours?
6. What's with all the abbreviations (WIP, PWP, AU, etc)?
7. What's with all the ratings?

MORE MORE MORE
8. Will you let me know when you update your fic?
9. Why don't you update more often?
10. When will the next update of [WIP fic] come and why doesn't it come when I demand it?

COMMUNI-QUÉ?
11. Why didn't you answer my email?
12. Are you sending me viruses on purpose?
13. Can I forward you funny/important things?

WHATCHA WANT
14. Why do you write non-Spuffy stuff sometimes?
15. Can you please write my (second) favorite pairing?
16. Can you please write my supercool story idea?
17. Will you write my supercool story with me?
18. Do you need a co-writer for your supercool story ideas?

FEEDING TIME
19. What kind of feedback do you like?
20. Is that really the end of the story?
21. Can I point out a mistake I noticed?

BLAH BLAH OTHER PEOPLE BLAH
22. Can I recommend an author for your fic recs?
23. Where do I find the fic you haven't recced?
24. Will you help me find a fic/author I lost track of?

NAUTI, MENTAL MENTOR
25. How can I become a fanfiction writer?
26. Will you read my fic and tell me what you think?
27. Will you post my fic on your site?
28. Where can I post my fanfiction?

POST AT YOUR PERIL
29. Can I post your fic on my website?
30. Can I translate your fic to another language and post it?
31. Can I post your artwork on my site?
32. What's hotlinking and why can't I do that?

RHYMING AND STEALING
33. Can I borrow your hard work and pass it off as my own? Can I expand on an idea? What if I thought of it on my own?
34. Can I continue a story you left hanging?
35. Can I write a "meta" fic set within one of yours?
36. Can I adapt your work into a screenplay or non-fanfic novel?


SPECIFIC FIC
37. Can I co-write an In Heat Variation (B/Other) with you?
38. What's the deal with Naked?
39. Where can I get the Boffy the Vampire Layer comic?
40. What happened to the soundtrack for Crash and Burn? Is that really you singing? Can I buy the sheet music? Can I record it myself?

TMI
41. Who is LoveBytez?
42. Are you a girl or a boy?
43. Are you really gay? How can you write such hot het?
44. How'd you come up with 'NautiBitz'?
45. What's up with your band and your musical career?
46. Do you really look like your pictures?
47. What was the first fic you wrote and when did you start?
48. Will you stop writing now that the show is over?
49. Can I friend you on LJ and will you friend me back?
50. Do you work for M.E.? Why the heck not?
51. You think you're sooooooooo great, don't you?


1. Who's Spike? Who's Buffy? Who's Spuffy? What's a BtVS?
- If you have to ask, you're in the wrong place. But if you really want to know, Spike and Buffy are characters on the television show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Spuffy is the bastard child of Buffy and Spike, while BtVS is the pus-laden STD they contracted from making said child, and what you'll get if you read too much dirty fanfiction without using protection. Okay, not really.

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2. Who's NautiBitz?
- That's me -- Nauti for short; Ms. Bitz if you're nasty. I write fanfiction and run this site, as well as KJ Draft's and BitiBot's. And Mr. Monkeybottoms is my bitch. See about (and the rest of this FAQ) for more useless information.

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3. Who does your nifty graphics? ...Your site design?
- That'd be me, mostly. The main menu graphic was designed by LoveBytez and modified by yours truly (the Spike tee). The site design was a collaborative effort.

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4. Can you or LoveBytez design my site/make me a graphic for free?
- No. You can't afford us. But we might shave your tongue (for pay)!

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5. What's a beta? Will you be mine?
- A beta, depending on how you spell it, is either a Chinese fighting fish, a prefix for a planet teeming with empaths, or an unpolished game, program or story. It's also the shortened version of 'beta reader' (who is basically an editor). A beta reader helps a writer with their rough draft, offering grammar/spelling help, plotline tips, characterization and/or general error catches. Different betas have different specialties. My betas past and present are listed here. If you're looking for a beta reader, check here or ask around on fanfiction-focused LiveJournal communities. I am no longer available as a beta reader -- but I am available as an empathic fighting fish.

5a. I can read! And it seems like your betas take too long. Can I be your beta?
- I'm very happy with my betas, but thanks for the offer.

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6. What's all this shorthand: PWP? AU? UC? And while we're at it, what's 'canon'? What does it mean when you've been 'Jossed'? My head hurts.
- Me too, but it's from all the itching. PWP='Plot? What Plot?' or 'Porn Without Plot', a sex scene and nothing more. Of course, I like to think of my stuff as Porn With Plot, but some people just call it 'Obscene'. Most fic is inherently AU (Alternate Universe), as it veers off 'canon' (strictly adhering to the history of the show with no changes or adjustments) either because the writer pretends something didn't happen (like Buffy's death, for instance), or it gets 'Jossed' (the next ep comes along and proves that the story can't and won't ever happen on the show). As a result, I only call a story AU if it's extreme, like say, Buffy is a Norwegian hatweaver, and not the Slayer. UC is an unconventional never-happened pairing such as, say, Principal Snyder/Tara -- but that's up for debate, 'cause we ALL know there was something going on there. For more terminology, check this list.

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7. Do I look American to you? What's with all the funky ratings?
- The line between literature and pornography is a very thin one. For me, at least. All you really need to know is if you're under the age of 17, you can't read anything labeled NC-17. If you're under 15, you probably shouldn't be watching the show, much less reading R fic. And if you're under 13 - go to your room this instant!

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8. Will you let me know when you update your fic?
- Sure, but only if you join my mailing list! (Emailing over 2500 people individually aggravates my carpal tunnel syndrome and turns my eyes into unattractive pinholes.) You can join by signing up here or by sending an email to NautiBitz_Newz-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. No spam, just glorious update notifications.

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9. You suck/I hate you/you're a filthy whore because you don't update often enough. Why don't you update often enough, you rancid slug from hell?
- Truthfully? Just to spite you. Now breathe, count to ten and read that question out loud to your mother. Didn't think so. Now try again.

9a. Gee, your stories are swell and I wish you'd update more often. May I ask why your updates are so sporadic?
- Better! I wish I could update more often, I really do, but it inflames my severe case of BtVS and the ointment just isn't working anymore. But seriously, it's because I've also got a full-time job (that pays me! In real money!), a wife who occasionally likes to spend time with me (without hearing 'clackity-clack'), her Big Fat Filipino family that expects me to sing karaoke at their weekly rite-of-passage parties, friends who want me to attend their latest play/dance recital/ass-deflowering bash, two dogs who crave constant attention, and don't even get me started on my co-dependent fish. In other words, I have a busy life. I will write these stories -- it'll just take a little time. So, please be patient and the fic will come. Fortunately for you, there are bunches of other writers who do have time. Check out my recs page for links.

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10. "Insert story title here" is the best story ever! But it's been [insert amount of time since last update] since you last updated and I can't wait anymore! When?? When will it come? WHEN!?!?!
- NEVER!!! [Insert maniacal laughter here]. Just kidding. It will come. Patience is a virtue, I hear. But if you really can't wait another second, I suggest you bone up on your physics and build one a' them machines what breaks through the space-time continuum.

10a. I know you're busy and all but I'm desperate for an update of [insert WIP title], so l'd appreciate it if you could find just a little bit of time to put together another chapter for me by the time my vacation rolls around in two days. Thanks for understanding that my needs take precedence over all things. Luv ya!
-
Allow me to break down the "little bit of time" it takes to "put together" another chapter of a work in progress:
1) Get hit with lightning bolt of inspiration: 1 wk. - 3 yrs.
2) Find time to write (when not working, writing non-fanfic, having a life, having sex, cleaning house, dealing with everyday bullshit, planning my own holiday vacation): once every 3 - 8 wks
3) Write, stopping every few paragraphs for subject research (ie, pregnancy; rules of poker, etc, etc.): 10 hrs. - 5 days
4) Re-read and revise chapter several times, double check for consistency within story and show and inkeep with fic's time calendar: 10 hrs. - 3 weeks
5) Wait for beta's availability: 2 days - 6 weeks
6) Wait for beta's edit: 1 - 6 weeks
7) Revise from beta's edit: 2 hrs - 3 weeks
So, you see, it can take anywhere from 5 weeks - 10 kerbillion years. Guess I won't have it for you by Friday.

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11. I sent you a feedback email like, months ago and never got a reply. Was it something I said?
- No, it was that suspicious way you looked at me. Okay, really? It's me. I suck. I used to be so good at replying to each and every email in a timely way but after a while, I couldn't keep up. Sometimes I have time, sometimes I don't. Either way, I am insanely grateful for the feedback. Thank you for sending it.

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12. I keep getting these lame-ass emails from you that have attachments/weird subject lines but there's never anything in them. Why are you doing this? Should I open the attachment?
- No! Delete it. Those emails are not from me. I get them too, sometimes from you. It's a worm-y virus that's infecting people's email address books. Neither you nor I have any control over it.

12a. So you're telling me you have a computer virus and you're responsible?
- No. Someone else is spreading the worm, and you and I happen to be in their email address books. Like real parasitic worms, it's the price you pay for being popular.

12b. Oh, that virus? I know how to fix it! It's this little teddy bear icon in your system files, and all you have to do is--!
- Stop it. Just stop. Click here and cringe at your own gullibility.

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13. Can I forward chain letters and petitions and pictures and jokes to you?
- No. A thousand times no! My inbox is filled to 99% of its capacity every day, and if you add something useless and annoying to the pile, like a "funny" joke, I will not find it funny. The second I get a forwarded or mass email from someone I hardly know, I ban their address from my inbox, simple as that. In fact, within 24 hours of sending me a chain email, you WILL contract a festering outbreak of BtVS, much like Jorgen Johanssen did in Zimbabwe in '77.

13b. How 'bout if the petitions are REALLY important or the jokes are REALLY funny?
- How 'bout I send you all 2GB of MY mail?

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14. I only want you to write Spike/Buffy funfic. That's what you used to do and that's all I want from you. Now there's all this other crap on your site. Why bother writing anything else when it takes valuable writing time away from my Spuffy funfic fix?
- Well, I want you to put on a furry bunny costume and dance the Macarena, but I can't have everything I want, can I? I write what I'm in the mood to write. If you don't like the show, as they say, stop whinging.

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15. It'd be so cool if you wrote my second favorite pairing, [insert pairing]. Will you write it? Will you? Huh?
- Unless it's Joyce being seduced by her dominatrix clone, probably not. But there are other authors out there who have written that pairing you like so much. Your options are to search for that fic on your own, or to write something yourself.

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16. I've got a kick-ass story idea I want you to write! It goes like this: [insert idea]. Will you write it for me for my birthday/anniversary/ass-deflowering day? How 'bout if I beg? Bribe? ...Blackmail??
- Dude. I'm not the piano bar guy at Applebee's -- I don't take requests. But you can submit it to the vast writer population at various posting boards and LiveJournal and writer-heavy Yahoo!Groups. The other option, of course, is to write it yourself.

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17. You don't know me from Jack, but I've got a kick-ass story idea I want to write [insert long rambling 'idea'] and I can't write sex scenes/anything for the life of me! If you could just fill in the sex/get it started for me that'd be great! I'll just kick back and wait and then bug you when you haven't replied in three minutes.
- Uh, yeah, I'll get right on not doing that.

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18. Do you need any help finishing your stories? Would you like a co-writer?
- Probably not, but it's possible, especially if you're referring to something that isn't currently in progress, but I've talked about writing in the past. If you're a writer I've expressed a love for (via email, LJ or my recs), or you've got a similar writing style, email me and let me know that you're interested in collaboration. If you're referring to In Heat Variations, click here.

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19. I want to send you feedback but I'm not clever enough to impress you. What kind of feeback will make you love me?
- As my man Prince would say, "You don't have to be beautiful to be my girl. You don't have to be cool to rule my world. I just need your extra time and your 'Hi Nauti, here's what I liked about your fic [insert whatever you liked]. This passage [paste passage] made me laugh/cry/rip off my signifcant other's clothes. Thank you for sharing!' Unh!"

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20. Re: [any story with a 'THE END' at the end]. That's it!?!?!? That's the ending!??!!? NOOO!! No fair!!! Why did you have to leave it that way?!!! Are you trying to torture me?!!!?
- 1) Yes, yes, and yes. 2) No one said fanfiction was fair. 3) I heart ambiguity. 4) Mmmaybe.

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21. I noticed a mistake in your fic. Do you mind if I point it out to you?
- If you're absolutely sure it's an error that no expert would contest, and would make the story better for future readers if it were fixed, then no, I don't mind at all -- in fact I'd most likely welcome the heads-up. I may not get around to fixing it, but I'd at least learn something. However, please read the following 6 q's to make sure your 'mistake' won't fall on deaf (or really frickin' annoyed) ears.

21b. I can't thread a sentence together, and yet I feel it necessary to point out that you made a mistake in your fic. Because you really should know. Even if the mistake isn't actually a mistake at all... I am a moron.
- I feel it necessary to point out that I want to hit you.

21c. I'm an English teacher/lit major/editor/pseudo-intellectual blowhard and I'd like to point out a grammatical error because every time I do, it reinforces my obvious superiority.
- I've got a better idea: you finally start that novel you keep putting off out of fear that you'll be criticized, and I'll just keep doin' what I'm doing. Problem solved!

21d. I skimmed your story and I noticed a mistake that you must hear about before I reread it carefully and realize it's not a mistake after all.
- Wow. It doesn't get more annoying than you.

21e. I have seen the show exactly once and I happen to know that what you wrote in [insert story title] isn't consistent with [insert season]. That never would have happened.
- I might beg to differ, but dude. That's why we call it fiction.

21f. That was a weird character choice you made in [insert AU story title]. I would have done it differently.
- Um, good for you?

21g. What's the matter? You can't take subjective uh, constructive criticism?
- I can take it, but bear in mind, I don't know you. Even if you have credentials up the pooper we could have different philosophies about writing. In fiction, rules are broken constantly. And if I'm writing for fun and non-profit, I shouldn't have to follow anyone's rules but my own! When you give me unsolicited advice, you're not doing me a favor, you're serving yourself. Get off your high horse and enjoy the free fic as is, or leave me alone.

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22. You forgot [insert author name or story title here] in your fic recs! Are you crazy? She/it's the best author/story ever!
- As the saying goes, opinions are like venereal diseases. Everybody has one. Isn't that how the saying goes? I think there's a theme to this FAQ, but I can't quite figure out what it is... Anyway. My recommendations are totally subjective and it's possible I haven't read the fic/author in question. That's also why I added links to other people's rec pages. If you still think your favorite story/author has been grievously wronged, feel free to make your own rec page on your own site.

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23. I've read all of it already. Where do I find all the fic you haven't recced?
- You know, there's this amazing thing called the IN-TER-NET, where they have these things called SEARCH ENGINES where you can look for ANYTHING YOU WANT. I found most of my recs by spending inordinate amounts of time surfing said IN-TER-NET, one link page to the next to the next to the next, until my carpal tunnel screeched for relief and my unattractive pinhole eyes exploded. So go to my links page and start clicking. Be an active obsessive, dammit!

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24. I once read this story where Buffy [was a hooker/bought a puppy/had twelve legs] and Spike [was her pimp/ate it by mistake/kept her in an enormous fishtank], it was really good but I can't remember who wrote it! Can you help me find that story?
- What do I look like, some divine all-seeing, all-knowing Spuffy oracle? Well, I totally am, but you're annoying, so get off your lazy ass and find it your damn self!

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25. I want to be a fanfiction writer but I don't know where to start. What do I do?
- You can start by writing something! Then go here, or search through Yahoo!Groups or LiveJournal to find forums to join and find other writers to talk to.

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26. I just wrote a great new story. Will you read it and tell me what you think?
- Unlike the inimitable Flavor Flav, I rarely have the time. But you can get immediate feedback from other fic readers if you post it somewhere. If you're looking for a beta, go here or here. I am no longer available as a beta reader.

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27. I just wrote a great new story. Will you put it up on your site?
- No. This is an archive for my fic only. And it takes me forever to put my own crap up as it is.

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28. Where do I post my story then?
- Read Making Your Story Postable first. As for posting, there are various places to do it: ezboards, Yahoo!Groups and places to upload like fanfiction.net (if it's lower than an NC-17 rating). A lot of people post directly on their LiveJournals these days. You can also build your own site on free servers like Angelfire and Geocities. Need pagebuilding tips? Go to Webmonkey.

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29. I love your fic! Can I post it on my website?
- Link to it? Yea! Take the code and post it? Nay. I revise far too often and it's high time I purged the web of my numerous outdated versions. You may link directly to any story as long as the prefix is http://www.nautibitz.com/fic/ You don't have to ask, but it's always nice to know where I've been linked.

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30. I love your fic! Can I translate it to my native language and post it on my website?
- Absolutely! Personally I'm dying to read "" (the Japanese In Heat), but all languages (except English) are welcome -- just let me know you're doing it and send me the url, and don't forget to include author credit and link to my site from the story.

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31. I love those pics in your multimedia section! Can I post them on my website/a forum?
- Thanks, but most of those aren't mine! You'd have to ask the artist specifically, or if he or she is MIA, at least make sure you credit him or her. If it's mine, you're welcome to post it. Just bear in mind that hotlinking to my site won't work, and shame on you for trying!

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32. What's hotlinking and why can't I do that?
- As this site puts it, "imagine a random stranger plugging into your electrical outlets, using your electricity without your consent, and you paying for it." Not cool, right? Hotlinking is direct linking to a website's files (images, mp3s and video -- not html) so it will appear on your own site, journal, weblog, forum posting, etc. It's considered theft, so always download pics and upload them to your own server or a picture storage site like TinyPic before displaying them. To find out if you're hotlinking and what to do about it, click here.

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33. I'm your biggest fan. Now that I've said that, can I borrow your ideas/dialogue/site layout/personality, or take a story you wrote and pass it off as my own with different characters and/or slightly different dialogue?
- Can I borrow your boyfriend/firstborn/your momma? Your left kidney? While I can't physically stop you from biting my funky funky style, other people may notice and call you on it, and I'll be calling upon the mighty hammer of Thor to clobber you in your sleep. Be creative and offer something new -- that's the whole point!

33b. But what if I'm inspired to write a story with, y'know, similar elements after reading one of yours?
- Then by all means go for it -- as long as it's not a blatant rip-off, I'm totally cool. It'd be nice if you gave me props by adding 'inspired by [story name] by NautiBitz', like I do to others, but you're not bound by law.

33c. What if I the idea came to me independently of you and I swear to the Rollerskating She-Gods of Xanadu I didn't know you'd written it too?
- Then don't worry about it. You can't help it that you're just as brilliant as I! Or just as hackneyed, whatever. There is room (and an audience) for several different takes on the same idea.

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34. Can I continue a story that you left hanging?
- Sure, in your mind! Otherwise, talk to me. I might allow you to write and post it if I've abandoned the idea. If you have gone ahead and started posting a continuation to a story of mine without my consent, I am going to kick your ass.

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35. Can I write a meta fic (a story set in the universe established in one of your fics) with a credit to your fine ass?
- Why yes you can! I'd love to read it too -- I might even link to it.

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36. I'm an aspiring screenwriter and [insert AU story title] seems perfectly suited for a screenplay! Do you mind if I adapt it?
- Well, kinda! If you're doing it for you and you alone, for the sake of furthering your own education, that's your business (although there are tons of published stories with actual cohesive plots that might yield better results, I'm just sayin'). If you're planning to produce or sell the completed screenplay, or use it to get yourself a job, then you and I need to have a talk ASAP (P.S., I'm an aspiring screenwriter too). Either way, on the title page you must give me story credit (drop me an email for specific verbiage).

36b. Can I mold your story ideas/AU characters into a short story/novel of my own?
- Sure, if you really want to piss me off. I'm trying to do this too, so please conjure up your own ideas. They'll probably be much better than mine anyway.

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37. I see you still haven't finished those In Heat Variations you seemed so excited about way back when. I'd really like to see that Buffy/[insert character] pairing! Do you need any help writing that? Because I can totally see it all happening In Heat style.
- Actually, I might. If you're a writer with any kind of sample I can read, email me and let me know which one you're interested in collaborating on. If you've never written fiction, please don't bother.

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38. What's the deal with 'Naked'? You left me hanging! Where's the next part? Where's the beginning? Why'd you tease me by posting it? Can't you continue it?
- 'Naked' was my part of a round robin, which means that several different authors contributed one chapter each. I was merely one of them. I posted it because I think it can stand on its own. After my part, it was out of my hands -- and in the following installment my plot advancement was trashed. The story died out soon after. You can start it in its entirety here. Rab-id also wrote an unofficial continuation of 'Naked' while we waited for the official one. She called it 'Plan D', and it rocks. We may continue it some day but it's not a priority for either of us. If you want to continue it, be my guest.

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39. In Body Shots, you said there's an actual comic called 'Boffy the Vampire Layer'. Really? Are you sure? Where can I get it?
- You callin' me a liar, smart ass? Yes, there's REALLY such a comic. I own two issues. But I didn't write it and I don't sell it, nor do I distribute xeroxes or the like. You can try searching for it at Eros Comix or ask your local comic book guy, but I can't guarantee its availability or that he won't leer at you for asking.

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40. I love that song you wrote for Crash and Burn! What happened to the soundtrack, anyway? Is that really you singing? Can I have the sheet music so I can sing it at my little brother's barmitzvah? Can I record it myself?
- Thanks! The soundtrack didn't happen 'cause I could have gotten in trouble for selling other people's songs, but yep, that's my song and it's really me singing. I don't have the sheet music, but the chords are pretty simple; just play it for your pianist and he/she should get the hang of it. As for the last question? Unless you're gonna give me royalties and show me the contract to prove it, record your own music, ya mooch!

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41. Who's LoveBytez?
- She's the saintly woman in my life who dilligently applies the ointment to my festering BtVS sores. She's also ridiculously talented: check out her site. And then read her funny-ass LJ. We've been together forever and officially tied the knot four years ago.

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42. Did you say you have a wife? I thought you were a girl!
- I am a girl. A girl who sleeps with girls. And marries them.

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43. Wait, so you're gay? And you write Spike/Buffy porn? I don't get it.
- Neither do I. But believe it or not, there are quite a few gay women out there who write Spuffalicious smut. I suppose that much like the epic Feldman/Haim romance, the Spike/Buffy dynamic transcends gender boundaries.

43b. But if you're gay, how do you write such convincing hetero sex scenes?
- Don't worry, I've got the experience necessary to write hetero sex with authority: it was a phase I went through in college (and, okay, high school too). Besides, think of all the straight girls who write convincing boy/boy sex, or you know, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman in "Eyes Wide Shut". Oh, wait, that wasn't convincing...

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44. Where'd you get your name? Is it from that Nerve column? Or the indie comic book, 'Naughty Bits'?
- Do you really think I'd be so derivative? Don't answer that. It's a lyric in an old song of mine called "Your Bitch". The nautibitz email address was intended for my band and then the fanfiction thing happened. As for the comic, I never read it. I do own a copy of the Nerve-sponsored Naughty Bits book, though. I'd lend it to you, but some of the pages are stuck together.

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45. You're in a band? What kind of music is it? Where are you based? Are you the lead singer? Who writes the songs? Are you touring my area? Do you have a CD for sale? Did you ever try to be on Buffy?
- I was in a band -- several, actually, over the last 10+ years. My band, as in, the one I led and wrote all the songs for and fronted was called Jezebel Red (1998 - 2002). It was a New York City-based band that played in rank, smokey dives all over town. Since the band is no longer, there are no touring plans and no CD for sale. It was sort of electronica/rock, but I'm no good at labels. We never tried to be on Buffy, though I've dreamed of being on Buffy... in bed!

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46. I saw your pictures. Do you really look like that?
- No. I look EVEN BETTER. The camera cannot possibly capture the vastness of my majestic beauty which blinds the mortal eye.

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47. What was the first fic you wrote and when and why did you start?
- The first fic I wrote was a piece of crap. Yes, it was even crappier than my usual crap! It was right after Season 5's "Into the Woods" because I believed Spike should have been in the alley in that last scene. Afterwards, I lined the hamster cage with it. Then, because I wanted to see Buffy and Spike happen my way, with me pulling the strings that removed all their clothes, I wrote the start of In Heat, Body Shots and Enthralled simultaneously. Enthralled was the first fic I finished, sometime in April 2001. The hamsters got the first few thousand drafts.

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48. Will you stop writing BtVS fanfic now that the show is over?
- What? It's OVER??? OMGWTFBBQ SpuffyLuV4evA!!1! Ahem. I'm definitely not as into it as I used to be, but I do plan to finish everything I started, no matter how long it takes (which'll probably be long after you've stopped caring). I may be slow, but I ain't no quitter.

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49. Hey, you have a LiveJournal! Can I friend you? And will you friend me back?
- I don't get to read my friend's list very often these days, but you're more than welcome to friend me. I very well might friend you back, but it depends on whether I hear from you at all and/or actually take a look at my userinfo page, which doesn't happen often. Again with the busy.

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50. Your dialogue is so close to the show's, sometimes I wonder if you work for Mutant Enemy. C'mon… you can tell me! You write for the show, don’t you?
- Curses! My evil plan of writing for free has been foiled, and my secret identity revealed by you meddling kids! I admit it! I'm David Fury, masquerading as a redheaded lesbian with a crush on Spike! ...And if you believe that, I have some 'gently used' panties I'd like to sell you. Really. My dialogue is close to the show's because I've watched it a lot. That's really all it takes.

50b. I'm Joss Whedon, and I think you're so fabulous and incredibly talented that I want you to come work for me. C'mon! You know you want to, NautiBitz!
- How many times do we have to discuss this, Joss? Not unless you throw in the three-week vacay and the dental package! Sheesh.

51. You think you're sooooooooo great, don't you?
- Yes. I totally rule.

 

that's all, bitches!

 

 

 

 

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